(man)
All right,
I'm ready when you are. (man)
Go, go, go! [RC car whirring] Ooh. Ooh, you all right? Gentry. – Are you okay?
– Dude, my legs. – Dude, your legs are fine.
– No, they [bleep] hurt. (man)
I know they hurt,
but they're straight. Please check the left leg. Dude, I'm telling you. Your left–I know it hurts,
but it's fine. Oh, it hurts really bad. I know, but if it was broke,
you would know. Oh, [bleep], it's gashed. It's gashed. You're fine.
It's gashed, though. Put your pants back down. It's not bleeding;
it's just gashed. That's pretty rough, man. I can see your tendon move. You're fine, man. Turns out he wasn't fine. Thousands of people
get hit by cars every day, but it takes
a special kind of idiot to hit himself with one. That's Gentry, and like most children
half his age, he loves RC cars. The minute you're old enough
to drive a real car, you should be donating
all that crap to Toys for Tots.
RC cars were invented so fathers could buy back
the love of their sons after a messy divorce. As long as you've got a massive
stockpile of D batteries and no shag carpet, it can be minutes of fun. It's basically
Mario Kart for dorks who want to stand outside
while they get no exercise. And that controller
also seals up every cooch
within a half-mile range. Why do they all have to look
like sports cars? You're telling me
there are no kids out there who just want to buy
a reliable RC Toyota Camry that will get their action
figures from point A to point B? But who am I to tell anyone
to stop being childish? Gentry's fine. He's fine. He's fine. That's why I flew him
to Hollywood, where every guy
driving an exotic car is compensating for his 1/10th
scale weenie in this week's Web Redemption. [ambient electronic flourish] [dramatic dubstep music] ♪ ♪ [suspenseful music] I live my life 1/100
of a mile at a time. Why'd you bring me here,
Daniel? I have one more job.
I can't help you. You know I'm done
racing toys. You don't turn
your back on family. We're not family. [clattering] That's exactly what family
would say, brother. ♪ ♪ Tell me what happened that day. Me and my friends were out
testing my speed car. I hit the gas
at the wrong point, and the car just
spun right around, and before I knew it, I was upside-down
and on my ass and knocked out. [RC car whirring] (man)
Ooh. You all right? Did you ever think of steering
the car away from you? They come at you quite fast. Basically, it's like
dodging bullets at this point. It would've been great
if it would've flipped you all the way back
to your feet. I did make a awesome
scorpion, though. How fast was that car
going when it hit you? 94. And that's legal to race
something around like that. Yeah. First of all,
your friend was dead wrong. You were not fine. – Dude, your legs are fine.
– No, they [bleep] hurt.
Yeah, I was not fine. I got the indent on my leg. That's never gonna look good. No. Over here,
a part went into my leg. There was a puncture wound. And I got sewn up and stapled. Did he ever apologize? "Hey, I'm sorry.
I misdiagnosed you." – No.
– Is he a paramedic? – No.
– Then shut up. Are you still friends with him
to this day? Yeah, he's here with me. You brought him to my garage? You kept telling Gentry
he was fine. I thought he was fine. You wanted him to die,
didn't you, you sack of [bleep]? No, I didn't. How long were you
off your feet? I missed my first full week
of work at my new job.
And what did they say
when you said, "The reason I have
to take off is because I ran
an RC car into my leg"? They laughed. They said,
"We hired the right guy"? – Did you post the video?
– Yeah. Were you happy when people
started watching it? People on YouTube are the
meanest people on the planet. Sure, sexist, racist. Bunch of horrible people
on YouTube. Ah, I love 'em. Love 'em all,
like they're my own. What happens if your car
gets out of range? It stops. How far can they go
before they get out of range? 1,100 to 1,200 feet. I have no idea
how far that is. Farther than you can see. That's not true;
I see the moon at night. Farther than you can see
something this big. You win that round. Do you know what the world
record speed is for an RC car? Yeah, it's 202.
– Are you trying to beat that?
– No. That guy has thousands
upon thousands of dollars. And zero girlfriends. Probably. How fast did
your first RC car go, and how slow did your
virginity go after that? Oh. That's not nice. Did you get into RC cars
for all the pussy? Have you ever met a girl
that plays with RC cars? What does your girlfriend– I'm sorry–your mom
think about the fact that you're still
playing with RC cars? Do girls like it that
you play with RC cars? It's better than doing drugs,
I guess.
Not for girls. Girls love drugs. So…one last ride. You in? I told you I'm out. Maybe this'll change
your mind. What's this? They took your girlfriend. Look at that body. You're a lucky man. Here's the deal. There's a huge battery
shipment going to RadioShack, and we're gonna
hijack that truck. Sounds dangerous. With my RC car
and your thumbs and your mom's permission, the only thing
that can stop us is our car's
15-minute battery life. Fine, but this is it.
I almost died last time. Welcome back. Let's get to work. But first, family barbecue. It's 8:00 a.m.,
and stop saying we're family. When you're here,
you're family. Let's go for a little ride. This should be good
for a 10-mile range. If everything goes
exactly as planned, as these things always do, that truck should be
arriving any second. Oh, [bleep].
We got cops, cops, cops! [dramatic music] [tires squealing] [RC car whirring] [siren wailing] ♪ ♪ [engine revving] Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. ♪ ♪ Err… ♪ ♪ [tires screeching] [racing cymbal music] [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ [dramatic rock music] ♪ ♪ Oh, [bleep]. [siren wailing
and tires screeching] Get out of the car.
[RC car whirs] Oh. [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ Suck it, pig. ♪ ♪ Whoo! ♪ ♪ Family. [RC car whirring] [heartbeat pounding] Whoa! [distorted dramatic music] ♪ ♪ [explosion booming
in slow motion] [explosion booms] You're fine, man.
You're fine. You're on fire, I know,
but you're fine. [screaming] [somber piano music] ♪ ♪ I lost my family. ♪ ♪ [RC car whirring] [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ [applause] If you liked that redemption,
good news, there will be nine sequels..
